Mel’s Heart Journey

Some days, it takes all I have to open my eyes; and when I do I tend to disassociate into another world. Now that I have clearance to return to a small step of normalcy, which I haven't experienced for over a year after learning about my heart failure and ticking time bomb liver, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. What if I overdo it? What if I can't keep up, what if my brain won't let me think of words? The brain fog has become my worst enemy. I hide from people because I get so damn frustrated with myself. After all, words do not come easily to me anymore. I don't want people thinking I'm dumb or an airhead. I mean, my god, I was studying to be a wildlife biologist before this all happened. It's just so hard to explain to people. Being terminally ill is no joke. It fucking sucks. 

Hey there! Just wanted to share a little update on life since I've been MIA. The holidays were good—I’m super grateful for the time spent with family this year.  I jumped into a relationship at the start of the year, but it didn't last long. I've realized that if I’m not being respected or supported, it’s just not worth it. (Especially if you’re going just to cheat and break my trust while I'm at my lowest most fragile stage, what’s the point then?) I’ve learned that life is too short for toxic people, literally. But in the long run, I also learned that I’m not ready for a commitment with all the unknowns so maybe it’s a blessing in disguise? My anxiety can’t handle taking on more emotions. Plus I love my alone time, I enjoy not being tied down, having the freedom to just go wherever you want to, do what you want, see what you want. I like my own company. On another sad note, I had to say goodbye to my nephew as he’s heading out west for a cowboy adventure without me. ...

Hey everybody, I just had my 6-month follow-up since being hospitalized in October. It was a busy week with appointments and traveling, but overall a productive week. I had two physical tests done, a CPET* and a PFT*.  Both I believe I excelled on (still waiting on results), but I was able to manage both tests without getting too winded or faint.  We had a few days in between appointments, so to Marblehead we went! It was nice, especially since it was a 70-degree day in March.....   I did meet with the Neurologist, but honestly didn't find help with that. This is why you always advocate for yourself. I definitely will be getting a second opinion because having headaches every day is not normal.  Finally, we met with Dr. Mastoris again, and he was impressed by the improvement that we have shown. The procedure I had while in the hospital has really helped overall. Plus, some new meds and weight loss have helped tremendously as well. I'm not retaining as much fluid as I...