Mel’s Heart Journey

Heres to 31- this may be one of my more challenging years yet, mentally, physically and medically. So strange to think this could be the last year with the old ticker.   As I get closer to more appointments the more it sets in; -am I anxious? Yes -am I excited? Yes -am I scared? Shit less, yes I’m scared  I still don’t know much yet, my official evaluation is on August 7th at Mass General.   I am meeting with my cardiologist on Friday to discuss a new issue- maybe   a medication adjustment? Feeling nauseous and dizzy when your BP gets high is definitely not a good sign.  Oops…. Let’s just hope it’s my panic disorder coming back….. kidding (kinda hehe)

 July 9th Our healthcare system is broken. Being ghosted by doctors is truly frustrating. I was called by Mass General back in early June to go over the next steps and set up a date for an evaluation as well as meet with the adult heart failure team over there as well. I was told I’d receive a call the next day. So I waited, I gave it a week, you know because doctors are very busy. Then I called the office, and his NP, weeks go by many messages left, nothing… I requested an appointment online through my chart… still nothing. So I wait, and wait some more as I get weaker day by day. This definitely has taken an emotional toll on me, when people ask what’s next I fear, I truly don’t know. My light is dimming day by day, the fear of not seeing family or friends again sets in, the anxiety is there, unfortunately all I know how to do is disassociate from reality.  I still have hope for now, but man this shit is tough.